


Salope se fait baiser dans un lieu public par un espion

by JesterMonkey



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: F/M, Food Kink, Kinky, Paris (City), Public Sex, Romance, Sensation Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:01:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5570248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JesterMonkey/pseuds/JesterMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's like a movie.</p><p>You're in Paris with a mysterious and sexy Frenchman.If it were a movie, it would more than likely be a 40's Film Noir and that makes things sexier. Of course, Paris is well-known for its fine food and fine, fine people. When the two clash things can only get steamy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foreplay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [isissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isissa/gifts).



> This chapter is what I like to call "foreplay" or "build-up". There's no real sex or anything "explicit" or at least not yet. I plan on doing two more chapters, the next one will be the smexy times. But essentially what I hope will happen is that the Spy cloaks in a restaurant and fucks you silly in a public space.
> 
> It also works well as world building because you need to know the situation before you dive right in, you know. I'm sorry if you were expecting something more in this chapter, you're going to have to wait a little while.
> 
> Why'd I pick Spy? It has to be fanfiction and I imagine everyone wants to fuck Spy. I totally would. There's elements in Spy's character that I agree make him a pretty sexy character. I mean, for fuck's sake he can turn invisible and HE'S FUCKIN FRENCH! 
> 
> By the way, yes I did use google translate for the title.

The springtime air brought chills to your naked body as you lay in bed after yet another sleepless night with him. Your eyes fluttered open and you looked around. The cool white tones of the floor and walls bounced the magnificent morning light around the room. Everything in the room from the curtains to the furniture was either white, grey or black; it was like being in a black and white film.  
Of course, you were in your own personal Film Noir, with your own French lover to boot.  
You wrapped the light grey sheet around you and walked out to the balcony on your left. It was cloudy and grey with a possibility of rain. Usually vibrant and beautiful, Paris had grown dark and misty after your steamy exchange. You couldn’t help but feel at peace as neighbouring silvery lights flickered on as the city began to wake up.  
The smell of cigarette smoke invaded your senses and a sly grin crept onto your face.  
Arms wrapped around your body, gloved hands digging into the flesh of your hips and a soft chuckle in your ear caused all of your senses to melt like snow.  
“Did you sleep well?” His slick voice purrs.  
You chuckle softly and turn to face him. You lean against his arms as you face his chest, the sheet becoming loose and slipping, the only thing covering your naked shame is him. You smile softly up at him and place a warm hand against his cheek and caress your thumb against rigid cheek bones. He never showed his face to you or tell you his real name; that didn’t matter, after all, his sparkling, sapphire blue eyes were just enough you.  
You wrap your arms around his neck and pull yourself closer to him. “I barely slept at all.” You breathe.  
He dips his head forwards and stares deeply into your eyes. “And why is that?” He chuckles.  
“Oh, you know why.” You reply, softly almost at a whisper.  
He pulls you closer and gently brushes stray hairs from your face. “You’re damn right, I do.” He laughs, kissing your forehead gently.  
He dips and kisses your neck, he then brings you up and pulls you indoors. He closes the door behind him and walks towards the bar. You watch him carefully. He always wore that dashing reddish-brown suit with matching gloves and mask. An air of danger, mystery and intrigue followed him around the same way the stench of whiskey and cigarette smoke clung to you after every kiss.  
You sat down on the bed and pulled the sheet closer to your chest. “You know, after all this time, you still haven’t given me a name to call you by.” You said softly as he poured a glass of whiskey.  
You looked to you with a dashing smile and handed you the glass. “They call me Spy.” He said bluntly, sitting down beside you on the bed.  
You grin. “Who’s ‘they’? Other women?”  
“No.” He grunts looking away. “Very dangerous people. Very insane people. Very stupid people. But they are people you don’t need to worry about so long as you stay here with me.”  
You reach out to him and gently hold his chin in one hand, the glass in the other. “Who?” You said with a stern, concerned expression on your face.  
He smiled softly at you and held your hand gently in his. “You do not need to worry. They are for me to deal with.”  
You sigh deeply and take a sip of the whiskey. You tried focus all of your attention elsewhere but only ended up staring at a lamp. The Spy stood, gently releasing your hand and wandered over to the bar to pour his own drink. He raises his glass with a cheerful smile.  
“To us!” He says, sculling his drink. “To us, and…”  
“Fucking like wild animals?” You scoff, raising your own glass.  
You looks to you with a wide-eyed smile. “Yes, that.”  
There was a loud knock at the door and a distinctly American voice followed. “Room Service!”  
Spy’s face soured immediately, the two of you carefully placed you glasses down and faced the door. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a butterfly knife. You looked to you and hissed. “Get down and hide somewhere!”  
You ran behind and under the bed as Spy crept towards the door and opened it slightly.  
“What do you want?” He barked.  
The torso of a young man burst through the opening and greeted Spy. He reached out to him but Spy had already placed the knife against the young man’s neck.  
“Woah, Spy! Hey, put that knife away and just let me in, okay?” The man whimpered.  
“What do you want?” Spy shouted again.  
Before the young man could reply, the door had already been bull-rushed open by two large men, one who looked incredibly heavy and the other looked very military. Spy jumped back and out of the way of the incoming stampede and threw his arms up into the air.  
“Well, why don’t you just come in!?” Spy shouted, throwing his arms about in anguish. “Hell, why don’t you just fuck the woman I’ve been seeing?!”  
The young man perked up. “Ooh! Who is she?”  
“Your mother!” Spy screamed, grabbing at the young man’s shirt. “Get out! Everybody get out!”  
“Not so fast, son.” The military man shouted, stepping in between Spy and the young man. “We have been given direct orders to stay in this exact room for the remainder of our time here!”  
“And what room would that be?” Spy groaned.  
“Room 2187!” The man replied proudly.  
Spy’s face greeted his palm at those words. “You mean the room next door?”  
The three men in the room looked to Spy and then to the door.  
“Oh.” The young man grunted. “Sorry ‘bout that, Spy. Look, we’ll leave you to it.”  
Spy rolled his eyes and began to close the behind the three men as they left the room, the young man peered in once again.  
“Yo, you were jokin’ about my mom bein’ in here, right?” He said before he found that a door had been slammed into his face.  
Spy readjusted his clothing and sighed. “You can come out now.”  
You slinked out from under the bed and walked over to him. “Who were those people?”  
Spy turned to face you and smiled sweetly. “No one important. But for now, you should probably get dressed.” He said. “I…There’s a dress for you in that bag, if you want it.”  
You smiled softly at him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”  
He paused for a moment but then immediately pulled you into a deep kiss. You close your eyes and lean into him as his hands run through your hair and down your back. He pulls you away and whisks you towards the bag containing the dress. You look to him and smile shyly.  
“You won’t peek, will you?” You asked, picking up the dress.  
He smiled and covered his eyes with his left arm. “You don’t need to be shy, dear.”  
You turn your back to him and drop the sheet. Looking over the dress after you slipped into it, a smile plastered itself onto your face. It was a vintage red dress, the torso clung to your chest and waist but at the hips it flowed outwards. You spun around, ensuring that no one could tell that you weren’t wearing any underwear.  
It fit perfectly. The question of how he knew your size came to mind but it quickly evaporated into a mere thought.  
“How do I look?” You asked, turning to where Spy had been standing.  
He wasn’t there.  
“You look divine.” He said.  
You cock a brow. “Where…are…you?”  
You looked to where he was standing before and saw that he was slowly revealing himself from behind his cloak. He smiled slyly at you and chuckled to himself. He pointed to his watch and walked towards you.  
“We should really get going.” He said calmly. “We don’t want to miss the reservation now, do we?”


	2. Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spy takes you into a cafe and judging by the looks he keeps giving you he's got something...delicious on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray! I finally stopped procrastinating and got this done! Hooray for pooooorrrrrrrn!
> 
> Enjoy it you dirty little dirties, you!

As the day went on, the Film Noir setting of the morning’s shenanigans began to whither as the sun peered through the thick sheet of clouds. Now, it was more like a black and white picture film; not as sexy but just as charming and romantic.

A more romantic setting was best for the current situation as you walked down the street, hand in hand with your French lover. Had the Film Noir vibe stayed, one of you would probably have been murdered. 

Thankfully, the two of you walked down the street completely unharmed. Spy held your hand firmly and stared dead ahead as he walked calmly.  
A harsh gust of wind rushed past and clawed at your dress, whisking sheets of paper as it went by. A young man in the distance cursed as he chased after the runaway sheets of paper. You picked up a piece of paper that clung to your dress and inspected.

“Someone’s holding a ball tonight, Spy.” You said to the dashing man beside you.

“Oh?” Spy mumbled. “Would you like to go, my dear?”

You sighed deeply as you gently tossed the flyer away. “Maybe, it sounds like fun. Do you think it’ll be crowded?”

“I assure you that it will not.” Spy said with a soothing tone in his voice. “Now, to get to this restaurant.” 

You smiled softly as you continued to walk down the empty streets.

An unsettling feeling began to rise within you. The city did seem rather quiet, almost too quiet for comfort. Of course, you were unsure of the culture and the socially acceptable times to wake up on days like today. And France did seem rather dark, wasn’t it usually sunny? It was Spring.

You looked around for any other people, you sighed a sigh of relief when you saw the young man carrying the flyers again. You squinted at his face trying to recall if you’d seen it before but he was too far away to notice.

Soon, streets began to look familiar and your feet felt like they were walking for hours.

Spy stopped suddenly.

“We’re here.” He announced.

You woke up from your deep thought and looked to the building to your right. It looked like any other bakery however the sign at the front hung slightly lop-sided and it appeared to be closed.

“What is ‘here’, exactly?” You ask softly.

Spy smiled at you and proudly pointed to the bakery. “This, my dear, is the only bakery in the city that also functions as a café.”

“Why didn’t we just go to a café, then?” You asked, grinning.

Spy looked away from you. “They’re all closed today.” He said softly. 

You allowed the information presented to you to process before you smiled and nodded at him. Spy held your cheek in his hand and smiled, looking over you with soft eyes. His eyes then widened and he cloaked almost instantly.

You sighed as you looked for him.

“Spy? What on Earth?” You gasped.

A small bell sounded.

You looked to its source. The door to the café opened and a tall man with circular glasses peered through the door.

“Are…Are you the nine o’clock reservation?” He asked through a thick European accent which you couldn’t quite place.

Wait...nine o’clock? How…early did you wake up?

You looked to the man and smiled. “Uh…Yes?”

He cocked a brow. “The reservation for two?”

You looked around once more for Spy and sighed. Your head dropped towards the ground. “Yes.” You sighed.

The man’s eyes widened and he opened the door wider. “Right, right, yes. I suppose this calls for some…chocolate of sorts.”

You looked up at him and smiled a rather pathetic smile. You walked towards the man in the fancy red tie and nodded as you passed him. He turned around to face you as you sat down at a table. He seemed unsure as to what he could say.

He looked to you with wide eyes as he pushed his index fingers together.

“I’ll ah… I’ll wake up the chef!” He said at last. 

You smiled softly and face the chair opposite you. You could see the thin distortion in front of you, outlining where Spy was sitting.

“I think he’s gone.” You said, bluntly.

Spy uncloaked himself. And looked to you with a bright smile.

“So…How do you like this place?” He asked as the lights turned on.

You grinned at him. “Did you cloak so you didn’t have to pay for food or something?”

A sly grin slithered onto his face. “I assure you that I will be eating.”

You cocked a brow at him and just let that comment fly over your head.

The café was simple. On your right was a counter where several types of pastries, desserts and cakes sat in a glass display case, a menu hung above and a register sat beside the case. On the left where you sat were three lines of tables, the ones furthest back had more chairs.The lights hung on the walls, creating perfect mood lighting that wasn’t too bright or too dark. And with the grey light shining through the three large window at the front of the café, the only visible colours were brown and green. It was almost like a nineteenth century Starbucks…

The air had a hint chocolate, coffee, mint and…burning…

“No! What are you doing!? Stop this?” Two European accents screamed out to muffled laughter.

You looked behind you to the wall bearing large white tiles and you assumed the kitchen and the screaming was behind that.

You looked to Spy whose face was twitching, especially around the eye area. You giggled.

“Are you okay?” You asked through your giggling.

Spy scowled as he stared at the wall behind you. “It’s just so…unprofessional.”

You grinned at him. It was interesting how a French man would get offended by something like that.

The man with the glasses ran out from behind the white tiled wall, panting heavily. He regained his composure and brushed off charcoal and icing sugar from his hands and clothes before walking slowly to you.

He took a deep breath. “Would you like the ‘single’s treatment’?” He asked, clapping his hands together.

You smiled. “What’s that?”

“Essentially, I’ll bring out a tray of all our best treats such as our; eclairs, tarts, pies, puddings creams, chocolates, biscuits, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, muffins…you get the idea.” He began. “Look, I’ll bring out a sheet and you just tick the boxes with the stuff you want to eat and we’ll provide you all of that plus, unlimited tea. Got it?”

You cocked a brow. “And…this is for breakfast?”

“Oh, live a little!” He said throwing his arms into the air and tossing a slip of paper before he stormed back into the kitchen to deal with the apparently pyromaniac they called a baker.

Spy uncloaked again. “Well?”

“Yes?” You sang.

“Pick what you like.” He said softly. “Just let me pick something when you’re done.”

You cautiously take the sheet of paper and a pen Spy handed to you and ticked off the “breakfast” items you wanted. The writing was incredibly small and the list was double-sided with two columns. The list was incredibly detailed, containing almost every flavour of cake possible. Whoever these bakers were they really paid extremely close attention to detail and single people for that matter.

It was probably to make sure they didn’t poison anyone with their least favourite flavour.

You felt an extreme pressure coming from Spy and his complete unwillingness to stop staring at you. You would look up after a few seconds and find him staring at you and then the next to you looked to him he was still staring.

At last, you handed the sheet over to Spy and he ticked off a grand total of three things.

“Really?” You said rubbing your cheek. “Is that all?”

He handed the sheet back to you and you looked it over carefully.

“Whipped cream, hot fudge and…ice?” You looked to him. “What? You’re gonna make your own damn sundae?”

Spy winked at you.

The man with the glasses bolted out of the kitchen once more, now sporting a rather dashing singed look. He panted heavily and mumbled to himself. He dusted off his arms and hair as he approached you.

“Ready…to…order?” He said between pants.

“A-Are you okay?” You said, gently reaching a hand out to him.

He smiled and laughed a little. He pointed to the kitchen. “He just…really loves…baking.”

“Oh.” Is what you said as he trekked back into the kitchen.

You looked to the seat in front of you and looked for Spy. You couldn’t see the distorted outline anymore.

Then you felt a hand touch your knee, you screamed and instinctively kicked at whatever touched you.

“Oof. That hurt.” Spy said from under the table.

You peeled away the layer of fabric hiding Spy and looked down at him. “Spy, what are you doing?” You hissed.

He smiled softly. “Hiding.”

“Why didn’t you just cloak?” You whispered.

Spy looked to his right. “I ran out of time!”

“What?!” You groaned. “You were sitting perfectly still!”

“Order up!” An unfamiliar and thick accent screamed out.

You quickly dropped the table cloth and looked to the kitchen. The man returned from what you could only assume was an extremely charred kitchen and settled down the tray of sweets in front of you. He nodded at you as he turned around and walked towards the kitchen.

“Let me know if you needed anything else.” He said, turning the corner.

You picked up the cup of tea and took a sip, the tea burned your tongue leaving a stinging yet numb sensation. You looked down to Spy’s hand as he carefully reached up to the tray and attempted to grab at the three cups containing what he ordered only to snatch at nothing.

You rolled your eyes and slowly handed him the three, tiny cups.

“Thank you, my dear. You will not regret it.” He said.

You furrowed your brow. “Regret it? Why would I-?”

Your sentence was abruptly cut off as you felt Spy’s hands on your knees and your legs slowly opening. It seemed that you couldn’t even control your own body at this point. Your breathing started to get faster and deeper.

“Keep eating, my dear. Just let me work my magic.” Spy said, his warm breath on your thighs.

“T-t-that’s going to be quite a challenge…t-to concentrate…that is.” You stutter, feeling your entire lower half tense up at Spy’s presence there.  
Spy soft and low chuckle radiated through your legs and you whimpered helplessly. 

“Just don’t draw attention to yourself, after all, there’s three gentlemen in the next room.” Spy said softly. 

You got goose bumps at his words. Your eyes trailed around and behind you to the tiled wall, your right ear felt numb as you listened out for the men in the kitchen but you couldn’t hear anything but your own heartbeat.

“Are you ready?” Spy said firmly.

“Yes.” You whimpered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to do this?” He asked softly.

“Yes.” You moaned, your body was under so much pressure form the tension your legs could have turned into diamonds.

“Are you sure?”

“Spy!” You hissed. “Stop that, you damn tease!”

He chuckled. “As you wish, my dear.”

Spy gently pushed the fabric of your dressed up and exposing your naked lower half. Spy gently rubbed and massaged your thighs. You felt him gently nip and kiss at your inner thigh, you giggled as you felt his stubble tickle the sensitive skin.

His hands and face left your legs for a brief moment before you felt a warm and gooey substance melt onto your right leg. You started to eat looking to your left and waiting patiently for his next move. Then, he brushed his tongue over your leg, licking up the warm thing on your leg. You felt soft tremors flow up your spine as he kissed your leg before applying more of the goo.

Your left leg twitched violently as something cold gently touched the inner thigh. You gasped as the cold sensation ran up and down your leg, creating a river of cool water as it went. The heat from the other leg created an alarmingly panicked state in your mind but the tension melted away once he started to nibble at your legs once more.  
Then he stopped, possibly to clean himself up.

“Are you ready?” Spy said, softly. “I’m going to ravish you, wholly, completely and deeply.”

“Yes.” You whispered.

He took a moment to place his hands back on your knees.

Then Spy’s hands dug into your skin as his fingers trailed up your thighs, into your dress and up to your butt. His fingers clawed into your hips as he pulled himself forward and further in between your legs. You gasped as his tongue began to swirl around and caress your clit. You slammed a hand down onto the table as you grunted at the initial shock of his embrace.

You took deep breaths as you reached out to the tray in front of you and made your selection. You ate silently as you focused on Spy as he started to recite the alphabet with his tongue. You spread your legs wider so you didn’t crush his head in between your thighs.

And it just felt better with your legs like that.

Through your chews and your own moaning, you could only just hear Spy exasperated gasps and sighs as he pleasured you. You cocked your head upwards and smiled as he finished the alphabet from a country that was not yours. Spy’s hands stayed firmly on your butt, but his fingers caressed and massaged your cheeks. At one point he almost lifted you up completely.

Then you felt a tingly and bubbly sensation rise from your loins getting stronger and stronger as you tried you push yourself into Spy to make the sensation even stronger. Suddenly you felt yourself ooze into your seat as the sensation burst into what felt like fireworks and a strange and exciting pulsating feeling as Spy slowly pulled his face away from you.

You could still feel his breath on your thighs and hear a soft chuckle from underneath the table.

Spy crawled out from under the table to greet you again, licking his chops like a dog. You both smile at one another as you take in what you had just done.

You turn your head back towards the kitchen. “I think I’m going to need some napkins!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this totally wasn't awkward to do at all but whatever, it's over now and it turned out pretty much the way I wanted it to. Hopefully you guys like it, this was one of my first genuine attempts to write sex so a little feedback would be nice :3
> 
> Also, plans have changed slightly for chapter 3, after reading this I think you might have a vague idea of how it all might end but you know, whatever.
> 
> I think this might be my first and only attempt at something explicit. I might just stick to subtle and implied sex since I'm pretty okay at writing that shit.
> 
> Hope you liked it! Looking forward to your feedback!


	3. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epic finale comes at last.
> 
>  
> 
> hue hue hue~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the finale.  
> This has been fun considering how dumb the idea was in the first place. Thanks for sticking around and reading this fic. Hopefully the ending isn't too predictable for you all.

You felt dizzy and light-headed as Spy escorted you away from the restaurant after an awkward conversation with the waiter. The waiter constantly kept avoiding your eyes and sweating horribly as you stalled for Spy, allowing him to sneak out of the restaurant. The very second you stepped outside you noticed something a tad strange about the atmosphere.

It was pitch black outside, the only light coming from the long line of streetlights which followed a winding path directly to a small ball of light in the distance.  
You turned to Spy simply smiled and walked down the long, winding path. You trailed after him.

“Spy?” You said, pulling his arm towards you. 

He stopped and smiled softly at you. “Yes?” He purred.

Spy looked extremely happy, almost to the point where he appeared smug. You couldn’t exactly blame him considering what you had done not moments ago, but in the time you’d known him he’d never smiled at you like that. It was unsettling and yet welcoming.

“How…I…What…I mean…It’s night already?” You said eventually.

Spy chuckled and leaned into your ear. “Time flies when you are having fun, no?”

You giggled and gently pushed him away. “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Ignore it.” He sighed. “It’s just you’re imagination.”

“But the waiter said…” You mumbled.

Spy cocked a brow at you and tilted his head slightly to the left. “Are…Are you alright, my dear?”

You sighed and wrapped your arms around his right arm and nuzzled your head against him. Spy audibly exhaled and the two of you began to follow the line of streetlights.  
Holding onto Spy’s arm, the rest of your body began to feel cold and envious of your head and arms. To cope, you held him closer to you. He didn’t seem to notice the chill of the night-time air nor did he acknowledge that it was bothering you. He seemed in a trance, like he was planning something or having an internal.

You could feel a cool mist tickle your arms and your legs, creating unwanted tension on your muscles.

To distract yourself, you tried to take in the view. The only problem was; there was no view.

You couldn’t see anything beyond the light’s reach. Only fog, pavement and your own shadows.

There was the soft pitter-patter and scuffs of shoes behind you. You gasped and turned your head to face behind you. You couldn’t see anything but you could still hear the footsteps. You shook Spy’s arm.

“Spy.” You whispered. “I think somebody’s following us.”

He shook his head and faced you. He turned his head to look behind. “Keep walking. We’re almost there.”

“Almost where?” You returned.

He smiled at you and pointed ahead. The ball of light had gotten bigger and changed shape into what appeared to be town centre, brightly lit and with loud music booming. You smiled back at Spy.

“No way!” You gasped.

Spy nodded to you, quickening his pace. You loosened your grip on Spy’s arm and quickly glanced behind you.

The footsteps had stopped.

Within seconds you were at the ‘ball’. From the distance, it appeared incredibly busy but in reality it was inhabited by roughly six people. Four of which were in the band. The lights dangled above you on thin pieces of strings. They appeared to be crudely made paper lanterns which could have been set alight in seconds.

You observed the other party-goers.

In the band there was a rather short guitarist who looked like he’d rather be playing something far more upbeat than what he was forced to play. There was a man rather enthusiastically playing the saxophone and this man at one point winked at you, causing Spy to throw his shoe at him. There was the drummer who had an incredibly square jaw and stood extremely still and played the drums, almost as if life depended on it. There was a man on the piano who played with a soft smile on his face and rum being fed to him through a straw.

The combination of these instruments sounded unsurprisingly awful. At least they were trying.

At a cheap-looking bar stood a man with glasses, completely alike to the waiter at the café. Maybe he had two jobs. The man looked incredibly uncomfortable and constantly scanned the area.

At the dance floor was a young man, dancing rather inappropriately considering the style of the music. He looked like and quite possibly could have been the young man handing out the flyers.

The ball itself kind of sucked compared to how you envisioned it but something good could have come from all of this.

Without a word of warning, Spy grabbed your hands and pulled you onto the dancefloor. Then, the two of you started to dance something that was like an improvised waltz. Spy darted along the dance floor, spinning, twirling, pausing, dipping you and lifting you into the air.

It was incredibly strange and awkward for you since you couldn’t quite keep up with his flair. But the two of you laughed off every stepped on toe, awkward bump and poor placements of hands. Soon the young man got embarrassed for you and left the area.

Spy’s grand finale was dipping you so low that your dress rode up your legs, causing the whole band to collectively stop, gawk and comment on the situation. There was one “Now, would you look at that”, one “My God” and two “Bloody hell” ’s.

Spy didn’t seem to notice. He stared down at you with a loving smile and rested a hand against one of your cheeks. He leaned in to kiss you.

There was a gunshot.

Everyone present at the ball gasped and darted away from you as Spy tumbled back into a shadow.

“Spy!” You cried out, bolting towards him.

You could hear something slice through the air.

“No!” Spy shouted in the dark. “Don’t come closer!”

You felt a cold, looming figure hover over you. You turned to ace it and your jaw dropped. A man gently held onto your shoulder and pulled you towards him, you shoved him away as yet another man gently pulled you towards him. You pushed him away too.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Half of you tried to think about the situation logically while the other started to think incredibly perverse thoughts.

You stood between the two men. 

On your right was Spy, but he was holding a revolver and looking at you with concerned eyes. On your left was Spy, but he was holding his left shoulder where he had been shot.

The wounded Spy stepped towards you. The other Spy pointed the revolver to him and snarled.

“Get your filthy hands off of my woman, swine.” Revolver Spy grunted.

Wounded Spy chuckled. “You will find that she is mine!”

You rolled your eyes. You didn’t belong to anyone but you did begin to wonder which Spy was in fact yours…in the ‘I slept with you’ way.

“Oh really?” Revolver Spy sighed. “What colour underwear is she wearing?”

“What kind of question is that?” You hissed.

“She isn’t wearing any.” Wounded Spy grinned.

A smile instantly appeared on Revolver Spy’s face, he faced you and chuckled. “Really, now?”

You shrugged at him, a soft smile creeping onto your face.

You stood in between the Mexican Stand-off and tried to figure out which Spy was the real Spy.

Of course, that could encompass anything. One Spy could have been the one to sleep with you last night and one you canoodled with in the café. Or both or neither. You couldn’t tell; they both looked exactly the same.

You sighed and scratched your head. “Could I get you two to stand side by side?”

The two Spy’s looked to each other and frowned.

“Please?” You added.

Reluctantly, the two stood next to one another. You looked over the two of them, scrutinizing every detail you could. Eyes, bone structure, height, clothing, lips; they were completely identical.

“How can you look so alike?” You exclaimed in frustration.

Revolver Spy smiled to you. “Simple. He’s disguised as me.”

“No!” Wounded Spy hissed. “He’s disguised as me.”

The two threatened each other but didn’t land a blow.

“How do you get rid of said disguise?” You sighed.

Wounded Spy looked to you calmly. “A Spy has to attack or be killed. Exactly like this mongrel tried to do to me!”

Revolver Spy grinned at you. “Yes and it worked. My dear, notice how he told you not to come near when I shot him? I could see and hear that in the shadows he attempted to slash with his knife. Perhaps he was trying to disguise himself once again.”

“Nonsense!” Wounded Spy cried out.

“Then…Why did you keep me away?” You asked softly. 

“I…I thought you didn’t want to see me injured.” Wounded Spy sighed.

“A likely story.” Revolver Spy groaned.

“Shut up!” Wounded Spy hissed.

“Fine!” You shouted at them. “Spy…uh…yeah, you…Pull out your weapon and attack the air. And you…just shoot your gun one more time.”

Revolver Spy nodded and readied his weapon, however Wounded Spy did not seem so keen on the idea. Revolver Spy shot once up into the air, nothing changed, and he aimed his gun at Wounded Spy. He grinned at his wounded counterpart, having proved that he wasn’t disguised.

Wounded Spy, the man with a fantastic tongue, looked deep into your eyes and sighed. “I love-”

BANG!

Wounded Spy was now Dead Spy. You observed the corpse; his suit was a different colour than before. Tears began to well up in your eyes and you collapsed to the floor. Spy sighed and gently sat down beside you. He wrapped and arm around your shoulder and rested his head against yours.

“Are you alright, my dear?” Spy said, kissing your hair.

“What…What happened?!” You cried out.

“There, there. Everything’s being to be fine.” Spy said softly. “Would you like me to explain everything I can for you?”

You nodded.

“First, this is not Paris.” He began. “This is, in reality, an empty warehouse made to look like Paris. The men you’ve met today are my team-mates who had kindly agreed to help me make you happy.”

“Get a loada this guy! ‘Kindly agreed’? Hey, screw you, Spy!” The young man shouted.

Spy sighed but ignored the young man and continued. “The man who wooed you today was an imposter, disguised as me in order to be with you. The night after we made love, he carefully threw me out of the warehouse wearing nothing but my socks and took my place.”

The saxophone player approached the two of you. “You two alright?”

“We are fine, thank you.” Spy answered. “Why is that?”

“Well, see, the Medic has some things to report…and ah…you’re not gonna like this.” He continued.

Spy looked towards the large group of men all gathered around the man with glasses. All but three laughed hysterically. Spy immediately rushed towards the other men and shouted at them for an explanation.

You looked up to the saxophone player who simply winked at you again and smiled cheerfully.

“HE DID WHAT?!” Spy shouted. “I’LL KILL HIM!”

“You...You already did, Spy.”

"HOW DARE HE?! THAT BASTARD STOLE MY IDEA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is good. Feedback is great.
> 
> Please don't cry or something.


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